Sunday, June 30, 2013

The pain....... the horrible terrible pain.

So, Friday nite (after cutting the lawn with the lawn tractor)... I started getting major pain on my right ankle. I barely made it to my bedroom and collapsed gingerly into the bed. Around 5 am, I had to use the restroom.... and it took me 10 minutes to hobble to it. The very act of occasionally having to use the bathroom now strikes fear in me, as it means I have to move.

Penny is the rock in my life. She gave me "Tramadol" (as a last resort) this morning Tramadol is a strong pain killer.... and I am actually able to sit up in my chair writing this as we speak... for the first time in 2 days (Penny went to Church this morning without me, not a good feeling as I need that Godly interaction). This is my first chance touching a laptop since Friday (where I could concentrate while having the laptop on my lap without screaming due to the pain). I have NEVER felt pain like this..... ever. Lets put it this way... even after a 25 mile "hump" in the Marine Corps with a 85 lbs. pack using black boots and suffering from blisters, I have never felt pain like what I am experiencing right now. Last nite, I had to crawl into the bathroom and back (you want to know what humble is? try crawling). I can't put any pressure on my right foot (when I attempted it, I almost blacked out from the sharp pain and fell.... luckily into a recliner face first). I inadvertently stubbed my inflamed left big toe in the bathroom this morning also (it is hard to position feet when adjusting for "weight" and over adjusting sometimes happens). Penny described my scream as blood curdling. The hard part is, our house is an old farmhouse. There is no room for a small wheelchair and we only have one bathroom. It is not a very functional home when it comes to accommodating physical "limitations". Needless to say, the inability to be ambulatory is my worst nightmare and without medical coverage, the self medicating aspect of this is failing. I honestly am at the end of my rope trying to figure out what to do. And the fact I cannot clean myself up (as I cannot stand), makes the experience that much less dignifying.

If this keeps up, I have to seriously question if I will ever be able to functionally work again.

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