Friday, June 28, 2013

I just woke up, and see that Penny left without me. :-(

I truly do love my wife, and I appreciate her so much regarding thinking of me this morning (my pain got so bad yesterday, that I went to a free clinic and sought help while she went to "Lifetime" fitness to swim). When I got home last night, Penny asked me if I should stay home. I told her that was inconceivable. So, this morning I woke up and she was gone (she had left for CTCA without me). I was initially.... upset, but that quickly turned into love and appreciation.

She truly knows me better than myself (as I could barely walk out of the bedroom a few minutes ago... as my right foot is now swollen too as the gout takes its course throughout my body), so it is probably for the best that I remain home today.

It is hard for me to admit that I am human, fallible, and that I am not a superman capable of being at her side no matter what is thrown at us. The Marine and stubborn Norwegian in me refuses to waver. But she took it out of my hands. To be honest, this is the first time I am not at her side for one of her treatments / hospital visits since February, 2012 when she was on life support. I think she is trying to tell me "Physician, Heal thyself" and for me to accept the fact that sometimes I can't always be there (and that is actually "OK"). I just worry about the fact that something will happen if I am not there...... so today, I will put it in God's hands.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways... acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.
                                                                                 - Proverbs 3:5,6


So I will just have to accept that today, Penny was thinking of me so she wouldn't have to worry about me as she underwent her chemo treatment. And I just have to work on getting better (and a little prayer in that direction on my part will only help in that regard). Even Travis won't let me drive him to work (he has chosen to ride his bike instead). "There's the sign".

So what is Steinar (the stubborn fool) wanting to do today? Well, it is Sunny for a change (see the picture below that I just took), and the Lawn/Jungle needs to be cut. I think I'll accept fate and take it easy for the next few hours and trust that my family knows best and that I should actually stay off my feet. We'll see how that goes. ;-)

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